March 26, 2009

I just got back home from band practice with Eman, Jude, Nev, Les & Juliet. We had practice at Moe's Music Studio. They renovated the place and it's better than last time. Frankly saying, it was like a shit hole back then. Unfortunately though, the instruments are still sort of crappy, but still within the tolerable range.

Eman & I were thinking of changing the name of our band, because the name Empty Paper sounds like broken English. If we named it Blank Paper, it just sounds weird. And we joked around like naming the band Bosou, or Manuk, or Pantat Manuk, Tuhau, Lihing, Lakai-lakai, hideh-hideh, etc.. It was kinda funny and fun, and I came up with all the stupid names like We The Queens, or like er...I forgot. But what ever.


I now understand why, and I'll be taking it absolutely slow, and I'll wait for as long as it takes.
I mentioned briefly of what's going on with me & her to my dad when we were having late lunch at Karamunsing yesterday evening. Apparently it's normal to have mothers to be very protective of their daughters and be such a tigress. I'm hated by her, and she assumes that I'm a typical kampung-ish Dusun guy who's a good for nothing drunkard who's not doing anything productive in life, when here I am, actually studying music and thinking of my future of what to do next, about my next move, what I should do as a musician, etc..

I found out she came back almost a week ago, and I didn't know it through her. I knew it through someone else. I wondered why she didn't tell me at all that she was coming back when she could have while she was still in Singapore. She explained why when I found her in Palm Square the day I found out she came back already. I'm still not sure if I should believe her or not. Because everything she said seems very, fishy. But I just tolerated it. I nearly blew up that time and just ended our 'friendship' there on the spot, but no, as usual I just kept quiet about it and just let it be.

So the next day, I brought her present from the house to Warisan, have it wrapped & stuff. I tried calling her up because she said her phone's with her the previous day. But I kept on trying, and trying, but no answer. So I sent a few messages to that number asking why & what's wrong & stuff. Still no reply. It was not until 3 plus did I get a message from her mentioning about stuff & that we can't meet up. Before you jump to conclusions, no, it's not entirely her fault. But it just a bit fishy. But what ever, I tried looking at it at a different perspective, and just, let it go.

Now, I'm still thinking of my next move, and wonder if that next move will be for the best, or for the worst.

I know you all are thinking "Ah Kevin, being emo again la what the hell. Go die la you faggot."
Well hey, this is my way of coping with some of the things that I need getting off my chest ok. If you can't understand that, then you're definitely not a good friend and I regret knowing you.

I'm not sulking in a corner and crying all by myself and pitying myself for getting myself into this shit hole. I'm doing something about it and I'm working my fucking ass off to try and get over it and ignore it and letting it go. And I'll be fine. I just need some time to figure things out. That's all.

Cheers.